i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
