I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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