There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
