so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
