Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
