Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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