My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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