There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
