i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.