I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.