She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse