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Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
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