Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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