Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...