Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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