So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible