I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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