i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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