he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
