What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
