i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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