i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
