i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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