She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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