I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
