Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
