good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
