So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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