At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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