wanna go halves on a baby?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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