There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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