somebody snuck up and got me drunk
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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