when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
