I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
