he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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