btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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