arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
