Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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