she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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