Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
