I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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