Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
