before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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