It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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