I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
