Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
