I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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