Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
