garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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