I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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