Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Text me some of your sweat
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
