Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she told me i tasted like america
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
