it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
