I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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