We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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