oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
