I wish I only lived at night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize