just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
