I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
