im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
