Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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