I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
