I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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