So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
