any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
