I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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