Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
