The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She bit a glass in half.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
