Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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