why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
