i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
