i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The best revenge is premature balding
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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