There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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