So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
