DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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