Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
