I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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