He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
