I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
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i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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