I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
