mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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