i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
