i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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