I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
