oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Randomize
