Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
