My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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