Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
