Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
